How to Support Your Child On Their Athletic Journey
6 Strategies to Help Your Young Athlete Thrive On and Off the Field.
I recently had the chance to chat with Coach Bill Tschirhart on his podcast about how parents can best support their child on their athletic journey. I can tell you that the research in this area is fascinating. Some very subtle shifts can go a long way to helping your child thrive both on and off the field.
Today, I challenge you to read through these points while keeping an open-mind. Try to notice what you’re already doing well and see if you can choose one or two of these points to be more intentional about.
1. Encourage Them to Explore & Build an Identity Outside of Sport
One of the most dangerous mentalities a young person can develop is the line: I am an athlete, as opposed to I play sports. Young athletes today spend a lot of time on their craft and this can lead them to tying their identity to being an athlete, a curler, or a hockey player, etc… Why does this matter?
When your identity is based on what you do, then when you do that thing, your self-worth is on the line. A person who sees their identity as a hockey player steps on the ice with much added pressure because their self-worth depends on the success of that game.
The alternative is a person whose identity is grounded in who they are: their values, virtues, and strengths. I recently asked a young client of mine to describe who she was. Her response was: I’m kind, I care a lot about the people in my life, I’m passionate about everything I do, I love cats, and my family is so important to me. When she steps on the field, she can still be all these things because her character doesn’t depend on the outcome of the game. This gives her the freedom go for it because her self-worth is not on the line.
So, when you encourage your child to try many things—piano, painting, other sports, drama, dance—they start to see their values and strengths in many areas. From this, they can form their identity around who they are rather than what they do.
2. Focus on the Fun and Enjoyment
This one may seem obvious… because sports are supposed to be fun, right?
At least that’s how they usually start. But at some point, sports start to lose their fun as they become more pressure filled, outcome-focused, and riddled with expectations.
We know that youth sporting experiences are strongly correlated to life-long sport and exercise participation. In other words, if you have a great experience with sports in your youth, you are more likely to participate in sports and physical activity in your adulthood. If you have a mostly unpleasant experience in your youth, then the opposite is also true. This has massive implications for lifelong health and well-being.
We need to stop looking at youth sports as an avenue to the big leagues and scholarships, but rather its long-term benefits in providing life skills, healthy habits, and a lifelong love for playing the game. Emphasis on play.
Ironically, the one thing that will get a kid to go the distance is a fire from within: A love for the game. Nurturing the fun is probably the most rich source of motivation for someone to do the work that it takes to make it in the long run. And if they don’t make it? Well, they enjoyed the journey. Win-Win!
Keep it light. It’s just a game!
3. Give Them Space to Fail and Figure it Out
The best way to learn is to fail and figure it out. While it may be hard to watch your child fail and make the same mistakes, the best way for them to learn is to have the space to figure it out.
Think about a baby starting to walk. When we see them fall every 5 seconds, no one says: Oh no, he’s failing at walking! Instead, we say: Wow, he’s learning how to walk! And then we encourage them to keep trying. If every time the baby fell we got mad at them and withdrew our attention, they would probably hesitate to try again.
By being okay with their mistakes, you model that failure is natural and valuable. This gives them the opportunity to learn and grow without the fear or shame of failure.
When you see your child struggling, you could say: I love watching you try to solve this. I’m proud of how hard you worked today.
4. Be Comfortable with Their Discomfort
It’s tough to see your child upset after a loss or a tough day. But rushing them to “move on” can unintentionally send the message that their feelings are invalid. Instead, allow them the space to process their emotions.
Every emotion we have has a purpose. Sadness, for example, physically and mentally slows us down so that we have the time and space to reflect. Urging them to move on or brushing past this emotion can rob them of a valuable learning moment.
Instead, offer unconditional support, patience, and empathy. This tells them: Your emotions are real and valid. You’re not alone. You can take the time to process what you’re feeling.
This video from Brené Brown is a masterpiece on empathy.
5. Be Curious and Open About How They Want to Be Supported
One of the leading reasons kids quit sports is the car ride home. This can be a challenging time for many young athletes. Despite parents wanting the best for their kids, it’s not always easy to know what they need at that moment.
When it comes to support, the key is not to treat others the way you wish to be treated, but instead to treat others the way they wish to be treated. Support is very individual, so we have to find ways to figure out what helps bring out the best in someone.
One way we can find some clarity is through curiosity. You can ask them what they would like to talk about (or not talk about) on the way to the game and on the way home.
6. Praise effort over talent
Effort is controllable, talent and intelligence imply something you either have or don't have. When we praise effort (You worked so hard out there!), athletes are more likely to work hard, push through difficult experiences, and enjoy challenges. When we praise talent, intelligence, or outcomes (You are so talented! You played great!), athletes tend to play it safe, try to avoid failure, and become more closed off to new challenges in the future.
Instead of praising your child for how many goals they scored and how well they played, praise them for how hard they worked, their sportsmanship and teamwork, and other values they may have displayed. This tells them that the things you care about are within their control and are more centred on effort and values rather than their success, talent, or intelligence.
What’s incredible about the research here is that in both types of praise outlined above, the praise was positive and encouraging. Yet one way of praising encourages growth while the other one hinders it. The words we choose have a massive impact.
I highly recommend you give this short video a watch to understand more.
Final Remarks
Supporting your child in their athletic journey is about more than cheering them on from the sidelines—it’s about nurturing their growth, character, and love for the game. By focusing on who they are rather than what they do, creating space for fun, failure, and reflection, and staying curious about how they want to be supported, you’re building the foundation for a positive and meaningful sports experience.
Remember, the ultimate goal isn’t winning trophies—it’s helping your child cultivate the skills, values, and joy that will serve them for a lifetime, both on and off the field. Small, intentional shifts in how you show up as a parent can make a world of difference.
Which strategy resonates most with you? Take it one step at a time, and know that your support matters more than you may realize. You’ve got this!